Surviving a School Shooting: Cindy's Story
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This week, Cindy shares her story of surviving the Columbine school shooting in 1999 and how her faith in Jesus Christ helped her heal, forgive, and move forward. Listen or watch below or read the script.
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Find Cindy on Etsy at The Little Stickerhood or on Instagram @littlestickerhood
Read the Script
Camille: Welcome to Chatting with Camille, helping you share the gospel of Jesus Christ at church, home, and beyond.
Welcome to Story Week. This week we have Cindy with us. Cindy is a Colorado native who now calls Utah home. She and her husband AJ, have been married for 15 years and have five children. Cindy is a huge advocate for infertility awareness and enjoys sharing her journey to motherhood with others. She's also a virtual assistant and owns a sticker shop on Etsy where she designs stickers To promote positivity and happiness in her free time. Cindy enjoys listening to podcasts, shopping online, Amazon, drinking diet Coke, serving in church, running the track at the gym, and listening to audiobooks. Great list of activities. Welcome Cindy.
Cindy: Hi. Thank you.
Camille: Cindy, you have an important story. I'm really looking forward to hearing your perspective on things and what you've learned about the gospel and your relationship with Jesus Christ. Please share your story with us.
Cindy: Thank you. I was a 15-year-old freshman at Columbine High School on April 20th, 1999 when the school shooting happened there and I'm just going to kind of tell my story and what happened to me that day. At the time I was in my PE class at school, I think it was fifth period. My PE teacher had just taken the roll call and so she sent the first half of the class to go outside cause that's where we were going to be that day for that hour.
As we were leaving the classroom to go out into the gym, I was with a group of about 10 other girls from my PE class, all of a sudden, we heard a lot of commotion up the hallway from us. I remember turning to my left and up the hallway. I saw two classmates running toward us with looks of terror on their faces that I will never forget.
And then in that moment, I heard two pop, pop sounds and I saw smoke kind of billowing at the end of the hallway. At that moment we didn't know what was happening. We just knew that something dangerous was going on. And so just natural instinct, I think when you hear what you think is a gunshot, you just run.
In that moment, we all followed the two students who were running toward us to tell us to run, they were trying to warn us. Shortly right behind them was my principal, Mr. Frank DeAngelis, he was running to warn us as well. He got ahead of our group and he ran us into the gym, which was right through the doors to the right of us.
We ran to the back of the gym to an equipment closet. That's where he unlocked the door and he told us to go in and to hide. We just huddled up between volleyball nets and basketball and just a bunch of PE equipment. I remember we were squished in there and we had no idea what was going on cause all we knew was our brief interaction of hearing gunshots and having those students tell us that someone was shooting.
We hid in the closet for a few minutes with our principal. A lot of us were crying. I was crying. I remember huddling up on my knees and just being afraid and scared. That's when our principal told us that he was going to go check on the others. He needed to see what was happening. I remember we were just so afraid. We didn't want him to leave.
We came up with a password so that when he came back we would know that it was him and not a bad guy. Like we just didn't know what to expect and so we came up with this ridiculous password. We were just all in shock. I think the password was oranges in the newspaper. I don't even know how he came up with that. We were just frantic.
So we let him leave. At that time some of the kids were like making jokes and just kind of saying, “Well, I guess this gets me out of my math class.” Some of us were crying and just, we didn't know what was happening. It was about five or 10 minutes later our principal came back, he knocked on the door. He gave us the password which was really comforting.
He came in and told us, “I have to get you girls out of here.” He told us that he was going to open the door and we were going to run out of the gym and just run. That's what we did. I remember running the fastest that I have ever run in my life. We ran outside of the school and next to our high school is a public library in a big, huge public park.
I think we all just scattered. I stayed with a few of my friends and we just ran to the public park parking lot. When we finally got there, we stopped. There were other kids who had run there for safety because at the time when the shooters were kind of going through the school and all of that, people just scattered every which way.
We got there and I remember running into one of my childhood best friends and seeing her. We just collapsed into each other. That was a good moment to see that she was okay. We were still very confused, not knowing what was going on so we decided to keep walking. A big group of us continued to walk through the parking lot, through the huge park next to the public library.
That is where a lot of students ended up going for safety and to be reunited with their parents. It was one of the places that parents were told to go and see if their children were there. We walked to the public library. The librarians, they put us in kind of a secluded room and that's where we were all huddled in for the first time.
We're kind of talking about what had happened and our experience. The news was on and it was already all over the TV that there was a shooting. There was lots of misinformation going on. People were saying that there were hundreds of kids dead that there was lots of shooters and nobody knew.
It was all very scary. I ended up staying at the public library for several hours. This was in 1999. There were not cell phones like there are today. I think there was maybe two or three parents who made their way to the library or other people who happened to be there who had cell phone.
We all just took turns trying to call our parents using the cell phones. It was so chaotic. For me personally, it took me a while to get ahold of my parents because they were also in and out of the house trying to see where I was. I had my sister, who was a junior at the time, at the school. They were trying to find her. We just missed each other trying to call. All that, you know, busy signals. I don't even know if call waiting was a thing back then.
But, I remember I finally got ahold of my mom. I told her where I was and she was going to come to the library to get me. We live probably a two-minute drive from where I was. It took her an hour to get to me because of all the traffic and the news and the reporters and the ambulances, the congestion of everyone trying to see what was going on.
I had to wait yet another hour. I remember standing out in my gym uniform like I had been crying and I still can picture her coming up to me and just collapsing into her arms. That was the first time that I felt safe and that was the beginning of a very long journey, an ongoing journey really for me still to this day.
In following days, there was a lot of sadness and tears and confusion and just trying to sort out what had happened and trying to wrap my head around it. I felt like I was in a fog for a really long time it was just the most surreal experience. To this day, I still have to kind of sit back and think like, that happened to me. Like Columbine that everyone talks about and you see in history books and people talk about like, that was my school. It's not just something people talk about. It is my reality.
Directly after, it was very close to home obviously, and a lot of emotions talking to friends and trying to manage our emotions and our feelings and all of that. In the years after that, I have done a lot of soul searching, I guess, and growing. I feel like I have healed in a lot of ways. I completely contribute that to my faith in Jesus Christ. I kind of say, there was the Cindy before Columbine and the Cindy after Columbine because when you go through a traumatic event like that, you can't help but change and become almost a different person.
My life personally never really went back to the carefree, not a care in the world, never with the something bad would happen to me kind of mentality that I had as just an innocent 15-year-old. In a very short amount of time I realized how real that things can happen.
But I have to say that one thing that I've noticed and thought of over the years is because of my experience, I have been able to really look for the hand of God in my life. I have been able to recognize tender mercies and small miracles that happen every day. Things that some people might contribute to coincidences. I don't think they're coincidences.
I know that it is Heavenly Father being aware of me and sending people to help me or he's directly answering my prayers. I say that because during the events of Columbine, there were lots of miracles that happened. There was a lot of small miracles and heroes and tender mercies that happen that day and the days after that you just can't deny.
One of them being when my principal came to run to get us, he grabbed a key chain of keys for the whole school. He doesn't even know why he grabbed them, but he grabbed them. That's when he, came face to face with one of the shooters. He heard our gym class. In that moment, He knew that he had to warn us.
He ran to us not knowing if anyone was following him. When he ran and told us to go into the gym, the door was locked. He came to tell us the story a few weeks later. He told us that as he pulled out the key chain, he had no idea what key it was going to be, but he was going to go through every key that he needed to to unlock the door.
It was the very first key that he tried that unlocked the door and we were able to get to safety within seconds. I know that was Heavenly Father. I know that was angels. I know that was a miracle. It was not coincidence.
Another thing was when I got to the library, I saw the brother of my sister's best friend and the first thing he told me was he saw my sister and that she was safe. I needed that because I wasn't going to talk to my family for several hours. Again, that was a tender mercy that Heavenly Father knew I needed, to put that friend in my path to share that with me.
There's just so many stories like that, that even though it was a terrible, horrible thing, there was good things that happened and there. Miracles that happened along the way.
Because of that, to this day, I have journals and I have a family blog that I used to keep. Looking back, I have really recorded a lot of things that have happened in my life where I have pointed out these tender mercies and where I've been able to look for the hand of God in my life.
I don't know if I would look for those necessarily so much if I hadn't gone through this experience. I don't know. It's one of the things that changed me, but I'd like to think so. That this is just one of those blessings that I have been able to gain through this tragedy that has helped me stay strong in the gospel.
Because I feel like when you are looking for God in your life and you are looking to see that Heavenly Father is answering your prayers, it helps you to stay close to the Spirit and to avoid doubts and temptations because it's so much easier to look for God than to write it off as coincidence or to say that it's not God.
I feel like when you're looking for those things, it naturally will keep you close to the gospel and keep you close to the Spirit. It's just one thing that has strengthened my testimony and it really helps me in my life to stay strong in the gospel because I try to continually look for God in my life.
As I've gone through other experiences and trials, the hallmark of what has gotten me through those hard times is looking for the miracles, looking for God in my life.
Another thing that has helped me kind of overcome this trial is being able to utilize the Atonement. I have really learned how to use the Atonement for comfort and to find forgiveness. It is hard to say that you have found forgiveness in a situation like this.
It's important for me to say that forgiveness doesn't mean that what someone did is okay and that I'm fine with what those two boys chose to do. That you have found forgiveness in that. Once you let go of that you are able to heal and move forward and find joy and happiness. I found that to be true in this situation.
For a long time, I was very bitter and angry and mad. I just couldn't let go. But I feel like once I decided that I had found forgiveness, I was able to have more joy in my life and be able to be happier and kind of let go of some of the bitterness and kind of focus my energy more on trying to do what I can to make the world a better place and to teach my children to do good things and just to do my part to help the world, to serve others and be kind. I think that has been important for me as well.
Camille: I like how you mentioned the tender mercies, but I'm curious, were they things that you were able to notice right away or, because I mean, you're probably in shock? Did it take you a long time to reflect back and see them for what they were?
Cindy: Yes. When my principal told us that story, right away, I knew that. I mean, when I was 15, I don't know if I used the word “tender mercy” or I don't know how I thought of it, but I remember I felt the Spirit and I felt, I still get emotional thinking about it. it confirms to me that Heavenly Father was aware of us.
Like even though all this horrible stuff was going on around us, He sent angels to be with us. Nobody in that school was alone regardless of what happened to them. I feel like our families were not alone. At that moment, I think that was kind of the beginning of looking for those situations.
But like I said, I was really bitter for a long time and just mad that had happened to us, you know? It wasn't until maybe years later as I reflected back on what has happened and talked about it with my parents and my family, and remembering things, remembering the story about my friend telling me he saw my sister, even recognizing the fact that I saw one of my best friends right away. I don't think that was a coincidence.
It did take me a while to recognize those as tender mercies for sure. I feel like when you look for them, it's exciting and you can look on the bright side a little bit more when you are going through something hard and you can see, oh, well, you know, this happened.
And because of that I was able to, you know, avoid something or feel the Spirit or feel loved and someone came right at the moment I needed during this hard time and to recognize that it was because Heavenly Father has put a plan in place for you to get through those moments.
Camille: Mm-hmm. I love that and I love that your principal did choose to share that story with you because obviously, that is a miracle right there.
Heavenly Father gives us agency. These events happened. But I love that He also knows us so well and what we need that even in the hardest, scariest moments of our lives, we can have those tender mercies. I love that. It's a great reminder to look for those.
You talked about being angry for a long time. Totally understandable. You talked about how the Atonement definitely helped you let go and to forgive and to find comfort and peace. Were there things along the way that helped you kind of learn more about that forgiveness?
I mean, what made you really decide to let go? How did you even get to that point?
Cindy: It was a process for sure. And I think being 15 and a teenager anyway, you’re going to have a lot of emotions, and just going through teenage life in general makes it hard. I really didn't find what feels as forgiveness until I was an adult, married, and even had children. Because up until that point I had never really thought about it. I was just going through the emotions.
I feel like time does make things easier. Over time the pain is not as strong. Growing up and really getting my own testimony of the gospel as well. I was able to recognize that maybe I have found more joy in my life and I have been able to be happier, and that was the Atonement. Even recognizing that that's what it was and being able to discern that the moments when I feel the Spirit, that is the Spirit speaking to me.
All these small things that kind of together make up feelings of being close to Jesus Christ and knowing that He has been there for me. That I can just turn over my pain and sorrows and sadness to Him, and that I don't have to worry about that.
I think it's a process of growing up, staying close to the gospel, going to church, and reading your scriptures. Even though, I can't say I did that wonderfully as a teenager, but it's a process overall. I feel blessed that I have been able to stay close to the gospel and strong in my faith. I've been able to recognize what the Atonement is and use it in my life.
Camille: Yeah, small and simple and line upon line, right?
Cindy: I really think that's what it is. It's not just one big thing that happens and I'm like, oh, I found forgiveness. Its doing small things every day and obviously, you take a few steps forward and there's a few steps back, but trying to do better every day and recognizing it for what it is.
Camille: I like how you said we take step forwards, but we also have those steps backwards and that's part of the process. We don't need to beat ourselves up for that.
Cindy: No, not at all. Yeah. To be okay with that.
Camille: Have you been able to, you have five kids now, I know your youngest ones are two.
Cindy: Two, yes.
Camille: And your oldest? Did you say 13?
Cindy: She turns 13 in just a few weeks.
Camille: Wow. Have you shared the story at all with them? Do you want to? What parts do you share? Like what do you focus on when you share it with your family?
Cindy: Yeah, so my two oldest. I have the almost 13 and a 10 going on 11 in a couple of months. They know about what happened to me.
They were probably in fourth and second grade maybe when I sat down and told them. Because, you know, things like this happen all the time. They hear about it at school. I remember sitting down and being very upfront and honest about it but being very age appropriate.
I told them that when I was in high school, two boys made very bad choices. They brought guns to school and they killed students and a teacher. They ended up taking their own lives as well. That was very hard for them to hear. They were very scared and they cried.
But I immediately followed it up with reminding them that there are good people in the world, that my girls are safe, that we pray for our safety, that Heavenly Father watches over them, and that they don't have to live in fear. If they can live their lives and be happy and know that bad things happen, but there's a lot more good out there than bad.
They still ask questions and they want to talk about it sometimes. They love to tell people about their mom that went to Columbine and it's opened up other conversations with some of their teachers or classmates.
It's good to be upfront and honest and not hide anything, not saying all the gory details, like they haven't seen news footage of that day or they don't know a lot of details. They just kind of know what happened to me and their aunt I really try to put a focus on there's a lot of good people in the world. They don't need to be scared and that they're safe.
Camille: Yeah, to not live in fear. That's a big one.
Cindy: I'm not very good at it either. I feel like the more I say it, maybe it'll help me because I still have a lot of PTSD and I'm not saying it's all behind me and I'm perfect. I have a lot of setbacks still and hard days and things that trigger a lot of emotions. Living in fear is one of those things that is hard for me, but I have to be strong for my kids and I have to show them that it can be done. It's a work in progress for sure but at least we can try.
Camille: Absolutely. That's the thing we can try. How do you think we can help others that are going through really hard times in their lives?
If it's us ourselves, we can look for those tender mercies. Great recommendation, but how can we support others that are struggling through this or it's been years since they've had that, but they're still struggling? How would you recommend supporting them?
Cindy: The biggest thing that has helped me is people just saying that they're there for me or that they're thinking about me or reaching out. You know, a lot of people have experienced something similar to me now, and so if it's that situation, I think it's remembering the anniversaries, remembering them when other events happen because it does trigger a lot of things.
It brings up emotions and I've had lots of people reach out to me when other tragic things have happened and just say, I'm thinking about you. They know that even though it's not about me, that it does bring up emotions.
Just people being kind and reaching out and doing something nice for them is one of the simplest things you can do to help someone with something like this or whatever tragedy they might be going through and just doing. Don't ask. Just do. Rely on those first instincts and those promptings that you get.
If you are thinking of someone, then act on it and don't second guess it, even if it's just something small. We can be those tender mercies for other people. We can be an answer to someone's prayer. We can't take the pain away. We can't solve someone's problem. I think the best thing to do is to not try and do that and not give advice or tell them how you think they should be feeling. But just say, I'm here if you want to talk. I'm a good listener. If you don't want to, I'm leaving something on your doorstep for you, or here's a quote that has helped me through a hard time. Not trying to solve any problems, but being a listening ear or someone that they know.
Just to let someone know you're thinking of them, I think is the best thing you can do for someone.
Camille: Let them know that you love them, that you're there.
Cindy: Yes. You're aware of them, what they might be going through. Because a lot of times something happens and then it's just silent for a long time. It's important to remember that people are still hurting even after the dust settles.
Camille: thank you very much, Cindy. I appreciate you sharing this with us. Those tender mercies reminding us to look for the good and to not live in fear. I appreciate that.
Cindy: Yeah. Thank you for having me.
Camille: Why don't you share with our listeners where they can find you, at least your sticker shop, and share with us one of your favorites or a gospel one that you really like.
Cindy: Okay. I have a vinyl sticker shop and you can find me on Instagram. It's @littlestickerhoodshop. You can find my shop link on my profile there. I'm on Etsy. It's Little Stickerhood on Etsy.
You can look me up. I try really hard to design stickers that represent who you are and what you love and are positive and a way for you to express yourself in a subtle way. I try to have all my stickers that have meaning. I have some faith ones. I have one that says, “Faith it till you make it.” That's a personal family motto we've had as we went through infertility.
I have a “Be the Good” sticker that I love and that people seem to really resonate with. I have fun ones too, like, “Powered by Diet Coke” or “Powered by Dr. Pepper.” My favorite ones are the ones that have meaning and talk about being a friend.
You can find them all in my shop and I'm pretty active on social media and sharing about that. I would love for anyone to follow along with me on that.
Camille: Yeah, you make cute reels on Instagram. I know.
Cindy: Oh, thanks. That, it's kinda embarrassing, but I just, you got to do what you got to do.
Camille: I know. I think we're all embarrassed when we make reels, but they're fun.
Cindy: It's helped me find my inner child. I was really goofy as a kid. I've gotten more serious over the years, and so it's been fun to find my inner child and remember who I was years ago. So that's one positive.
Camille: I love that. That's great. Thank you again.
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